


Devil in Disguise (subject to change lol)

by Fizzy_P0p



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Category Subject to Change, Crack, Gen, Graphic violence cuz fingers get cut off accidentally, Please Don't Take This Seriously, clumsy Reader, crackfic, from quotev lol, if i actually continue lol, male!reader, narcissitic reader, probably written in the middle of the night, thanks for reading these useless tags, this is bad you probably shouldn't read it, this is shit i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 13:58:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14214636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fizzy_P0p/pseuds/Fizzy_P0p
Summary: Once again, boredom has struck, and there was only one thing to do- visit an old friend.(Male!Reader)





	1. Boredom Has Struck

**Author's Note:**

> This is relatively old (about a year), and poorly written lol. I haven't updated it in months, so I likely won't be continuing it lol. I also never proofread it, so there may be some typos. You have been warned for this... this thing...

"So, this is where he is..." You murmured, staring at the huge mansion looking before you. "Impressive..."

~~~~~

"It truly has been ages." As soon as you stepped in front of the ornate doors, they were swung open, revealing a very familiar face. You nodded, looking the tall man up and down, taking in his clothing. He looked like a butler from a fairytale.

"I go by [F/n] [L/n] these days." You smirked. "What about you, have you been given some horribly cliche name, like Sebastian? Although that would suit your appearance." A snicker escaped your lips, and the black-haired man gave an unamused smile.

"How astute. It looks like those many centuries of your life have finally paid off." You twitched.

"You still seem pretty green, you damned brat." The two of you exchanged cruel smiles.

"Sebastian!" The butler turned from you. "What are you doing? Close the door, it's freezing!" A boy, obviously in his early teens, called up from the top of the grand staircase.

"My apologies, Young Master." Sebastian bowed, and redirected his attention towards you. "Why don't you step in, and we can discuss your current situation away from the snow. The cold must be tough on your old bones."

"These old bones could still beat you down any day of the week." You retorted to the jab at your age.

~~~~~

"This place certainly is quite extravagant." You commented as you were escorted through the halls of what you now knew was the Phantomhive estate. By no means was this the most luxurious abode you had entered. Yours was much larger. After all, you have had many centuries to amass your wealth.

Once you had reached the lounge, you sat in silence for a few moments as tea was served. Even with your superb hearing, you could barely make out the clink of a teacup being placed in front of you. It was Sebastian. You snickered at how well he suited his role as a butler. "Today's tea is-"

"A Fortnum and Mason blend, no?" You cut the tall man off, which seemed to annoy him, if only a little.

"... Why yes, you are absolutely correct, Lord [Name]." You grinned triumphantly at the slight strain in his voice. "Although I suppose a gentleman of your age would have had plenty of time to learn, no?" It was Sebastian's turn to snicker as you felt the corners of your mouth try and twitch downwards. The tension between the two of you could be cut with a knife. However, "And for sweets, we have blackberry flummery." Your attention was quickly shifted to the starch pudding set in front of you. Sweets, especially those of high quality, were your absolute weakness.

"So, may I ask what business you have with me, Lord [Name]?" You were finally addressed by the young Earl. "I have heard that you are a bit of a recluse."

"That is certainly true." You mused, "I have everything a man could want. Wealth, land, women..." You paused for a sip of tea. "And yet... Something is missing..." Trailing off, you sighed. "I'm bored."


	2. Troublesome Teatime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader-kun does dumb shit lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it looks like there are more things like [1], I probably forgot to remove it, since I had a bunch of useless footnotes in the original.

"You came here..." Ciel looked at you incredulously. "Because you were bored?" You nodded.

"'Tis true." You gave an exaggerated sigh, resting your cheek on your palm. "I've run out of ways to amuse myself. Truly a tragedy."

"I do believe the tragedy is your slothful attitude." Sebastian's little jab was nearly inaudible, but, of course, the ears of a demon of your caliber could easily pick up his words.

"And you are a tragically poor example of a demon." You shot back, "A travesty of demon kind, if you will." It was barely noticeable, but you heard a snort of disdain from Sebastian. His attitude towards you really had not changed at all since you had last seen him. Sebastian was just as unappreciative of you as always. And quite rude as well.  
Letting out a soft yet mildy irritated sigh, you continued to sip your tea. As much as it pained you to admit it, Sebastian was quite now good at brewing tea. Smooth and refreshing, with a mild bitterness that accentuated the overall flavor.

"Marvelous..." You murmured, before catching yourself. Looking up, you scowled at the barely visible, yet still irritatingly triumphant smirk on the tall demon's face.

Everything about that man annoyed you, from his handsome appearance to that obnoxious, smirking expression he made when he thought he got the better of you. You found him absolutely infuriating. The demon now called Sebastian Michaelis was number one on your list of beings you wished to disappear forever.

In short, you hated to lose to him.  
"Lord [Name], if you continue scowling like that, you'll get wrinkles at a young age." Sebastian snickered, "Although you're far from being young." You felt the corner of your mouth twitch, and he looked like he was about to explode in laughter. "Not the prettiest face out there." The black-haired man whispered. That was the last straw.

"How rude!" You snapped indignantly. "[S/C], unblemished skin! Silky [H/C] hair! Full lips! A shapely nose! Sparkling [E/C] eyes, framed by such long eyelashes!" You paused for a breath. "I'm gorgeous!" Your eye glinted as you grinned and praised yourself. "Truly a stunning beauty." You glanced towards Ciel and Sebastian, waiting for them to shower you with praise, and was met with a pair of blank, unimpressed faces

"Right..." Ciel's monotonous response trailed off.

"ANYWAY!" You loudly declared, "I have decided!" You beamed at the two's confused faces. "I shall sojourn here at the Phantomhive Estate."

"HAAHH?!?!"


	3. Debacle Before Daybreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader-kun does the dumbest shit yet.

Morning. A wonderful time of day. Especially the sunrise. Vibrant colors spilling out from the horizon. Truly stunning.

"Still, no matter how beautiful dawn may be, it pales in comparison to me." You bragged from your perch atop a stool in the Phantomhive Estate kitchen. Since you didn't sleep, all you could do was wander the mansion, before growing bored. Which led you to search out Sebastian, who was busy in the kitchen. After all, nothing could possibly be more fun than proving just how superior you were to the demon butler. Yet there you sat, completely ignored.

After your boasting was so coldly ignored, you sat in silence. You watched as Sebastian worked flawlessly and efficiently, preparing for the morning tea and meal. "Why are you doing it all by hand? You ought to be able to do all of this work instantly." Such a mundane and seemingly boring task was completely beyond you.

"The Young Master said that conjuring food and the like out of thin air was unnatural." Sebastian continued moving about the kitchen.

"Huh."

"Although these tasks may seem mundane to you, I sincerely believe that a fool such as yourself would be completely unable to perform any of them." Your eyebrows twitched.

"How foolish!" You snapped. "If even someone as incompetent as you could do this, then I would obviously be able to complete such actions perfectly and flawlessly!" After hopping up from your seat, you stomped over to Sebastian. Looking down at his cutting board, you scoffed at the half chopped onion. "Watch how elegantly and beautifully a higher being such as myself does it." You jeered, grabbing the knife.

THUNK!

You held up you hand, which was now missing a thumb. "Ah." For a moment, you simply stared at your newly four-fingered hand, before grabbing the lopped-off digit. With a quiet squelch, you stuck your thumb back on and watched as your flesh knit itself back together. You held your newly healed hand out. "There. Good as new!" You crowed triumphantly.

"Truly impressive." Sebastian smiled sarcastically. "I don't know of many that are clumsy enough to cut off their entire thumb while cutting up vegetables." He let out a sigh. "Such a shame that you got your blood all over them. Now I'll have to start over."

Face tinged pink from embarrassment, you crossed your arms. "E-even I have my bad days." The raven-haired man simply snickered.

"Why don't we have you try something that even you couldn't hurt yourself with." He held up an egg. "Surely even the clumsy Lord [Name] could properly crack an egg." The haughty, arrogant expression on his face said otherwise.

"Obviously-!" The moment you snatched the egg from Sebastian's hand, you crushed it in your grip. Stunned, you stared as the decimated yolk oozed from between your fingers. "Ah." Ignoring the smug look on his face, you grabbed the hand towel that the butler offered you, and began wiping off the dripping egg. "Clearly that egg was no good, if it couldn't handle at least that much pressure." There was no way you were going to admit that you were clumsy and screwed up. Not to him. Anyone but him.

"If food preparation is out of the question, why don't you try getting the china out." A horrid, sadistic smile spread across Sebastian's face. He clearly didn't think you could do anything. He was obviously just trying to humiliate you. No matter how you looked at it, he was hazing you.

'What is he, a demon?!' You thought, scowling as you got on the step stool, and retrieved the china. 'Ah, he is. And so am I.' Paying no attention to your surroundings, you took a step back, and was met with empty air. As you fell back, the dishes flew from your hands and you closed your eyes, waiting to hit the floor.

"My my, it appears that Lord [Name] is a bit clumsy." You opened your eyes and saw Sebastian sneering at you, one arm cradling you as the other delicately balanced the dropped dishes.

You opened and closed your mouth silently. The morning was truly a debacle.


End file.
